The parable of Jesus about the unforgiving servant was His reply to Peter’s question about how often one must forgive an offender. As I reflected on this now-familiar parable, it occurred to me that I am blessed that I have not really had to deal with a chronic offender, as was suggested by Peter.
Then Peter came and said to Him, “Lord, how often shall my brother sin against me and I forgive him? Up to seven times?” Jesus said to him, “I do not say to you, up to seven times, but up to seventy times seven.” – Matt 18:21-22
Instead of my dealing with a single chronic offender, what I have had to deal with are the seven-times-seventy assortment of occasions when I would face situations that annoy me, that test my patience, steal my peace, or irritate me. Sure, maybe these are technically not classified as offenses- needing-to-be-forgiven, but they certainly trigger a range of ungodly emotions from impatience, to frustration, to resentment, to unkindness and to judgmentalism — all of which do not honor a forgiving and merciful God.
Many years ago, a retreat master by the name of Fr. Bill Schock pointed out that these feelings come from the fact that I unfairly expect too much — from others, from myself, sometimes even from God. He said, we can be unfair in our expectations, and when these aren’t met, we blame others, not ourselves for expecting too much. And in my case, I confess that I expect people to be like me, whether it’s my driving style, my writing style, my thinking style, or even my life style. I unfairly expect people’s behavior to match mine. “Change your attitude, and you change your world,” concluded Fr. Schock.
“Let your behavior change, modelled by your new mind,” St. Paul says in Romans 12. “This is the only way to discover the will of God and know what is good, what it is that God wants, what is the perfect thing to do … I warn each of you not to think more highly of himself than he ought … do not be wise in your own estimation … have the same attitude toward all.” And in Philippians 2, Paul says, “Your attitude must be that of Christ. Though he was in the form of God he did not deem equality with God something to be grasped at. Rather, he emptied himself and took the form of a slave.”
And now that I have come to know Jesus Christ and his infinite mercy, I’ve learned to change my attitude and to find reasons for excusing others, and for forgiving them even. Instead of wondering why people are not like me, I come to their defense and give reasons or excuses for their behavior, modeled after what Jesus said on the cross, “Father, forgive them for they know not what they do.” And so I have learned to forgive as I have been forgiven.
PRAYER:
“Lord, give me the courage to change what can be changed, the humility to accept what cannot be changed, and the wisdom to know the difference.” There is no God like you in your sovereignty, in your infinite wisdom, and in your unfailing love. Only You are perfect, and so I repent in expecting everyone else to treat me perfectly, and I ask that You create in me a forgiving heart, and a kind heart. Thank you for sending Your son Jesus to take up the cross that was meant for me. Allow me to grow in greater knowledge of Your love, so I can learn to forgive as You have forgiven, and to love as You love. Amen.”
I have hurt God and owe God more. So if He has forgiven me, so do I need to forgive others.
God’s love is unconditional and unlimited…so is His forgiveness. Praise and thank you Lord!
Well said Kuya Eddie. I can relate. May the Lord continue to point out the need to be changed, attitude wise. To God be the glory.
Thank you Sir for this reminder. I thank the Lord for his never-ending grace that even though sometimes I falter His grace is new every morning. Great is His faithfulness. (Lamentations 3:23).
“Instead of wondering why people are not like me, I come to their defense and give reasons or excuses for their behavior, modeled after what Jesus said on the cross, “Father, forgive them for they know not what they do.” And so I have learned to forgive as I have been forgiven…”
Indeed, so many people out there, including myself, needs a vast kind of forgiveness and understanding… bringing Jesus’ forgiveness every single day and every single mistakes, until one day they would embrace God’s infinite love and mercy and compassion…
Thank you Tito Eddie…
Spot on, Josel. The Lord’s Spirit is with you.
i have a question about this. must they be genuinely repentant before i forgive? because i have had received some snide sorries and sorries that are said with nonrepentance. i have been told often that i am too forgiving. is this possible? because i may be also committing a sin by allowing people to sin to someone else, especially a child or an employee.
Thank you, Christine. You raise important points, and I bet you’re not the only one that has these concerns.
On your last point, Christine, if you’re guilty for “allowing others to sin”, then God would be guiltiest of all, because in His wisdom, He has allowed all mankind the choice whether to follow Him or not. Obviously, He’s not mistaken. Don’t lay that burden on yourself.
You do have to distinguish between forgiveness and restoring relationships. Jesus died for all of us “even while we were sinners”. But only those who are truly repentant are able to receive the blessings of a restored relationship. In the story of the prodigal son, I am certain that the father had forgiven his son even while the son was packing his bag ready to live it up with his preempted inheritance. But see, the father threw the feast only when his son had repented and returned to him.
Hope this helps.
It is difficult to forgive. it is even more difficult when you see someone else suffer at the hands of someone who says sorry and does it again and again and the child or employee turns to you and says why didn’t you defend me? you can see he or she isn’t really sorry. he or she just says it to ingrain himself or herself back in our good favor but he or she really does not see the error of his or her ways. and this really happens. i know you also know such cases: narcisism and even sadism and heinous greed and and other hardened souls. they get off on getting away with it. in fact, their disease gets worse. when you are responsible for someone and yet the perpetrator who victimized has all intents and purposes of continuing to victimize that someone, we have the duty to protect that someone. and sometimes it means calling the apology for what it is: a lie, which helps no one, least of all that person himself. in my line of work, i have often encountered unrepetant molesters, abusers of employees, and gaslighters who have no idea that they need help. i, least of most, will hate to take on the responsibility for calling him or her out. but i also know how many years of being silent perpetrates the wrong. i now tread much more lightly and give people still the benefit of the doubt. but i do not remain silent anymore. for i do remember how jesus let his temper rage on at the temple. and how he said that if your arm is guilty of sinning then cast it out. and that last moment where he was dying with the murderer and the thief. for he only invited the repentant man to be with him in paradise. jesus was and is forgiving and merciful but he is also very clear and final when it comes to the nonrepentant. thank you for this reading and thoughts. they made me think as you usually do. more please.
Last month, I realized in my prayer time that I can be a better person if I don’t have expecations about others. Just accept them as who they are and not impose my standards on them. By doing, I am more joyful and less stress about things around me.
Thanks for sharing your reflection about forgiveness.